Her voice was nothing more than a squeak as she clutched at her neck. My heart broke as tears welled up in her eyes and then ran slowly down her cheeks. I clutched her close against my chest, kissed her head and face, wiped away her tears, and told her that daddy was right here.
Alice was in pain, and there was very little I could do about it. She had a sore throat, red and itchy ears, a snotty nose and a cough. She was sick – every parent’s worst nightmare.
I’ve said before that having a child is hard and that you don’t have to love every moment of being a parent, and I find this especially true when the kid isn’t feeling 100%.
But yesterday was harder than I’ve experienced in a while. It was the first time that Alice has truly been in pain and able to let me know exactly what was wrong. It’s heartbreaking when she’s looking at you and telling you what’s wrong and you can’t help her make it better. It’s the worst feeling I can imagine.
And I know I’m not alone in this. Parents struggle with this all the time. But there are ways to survive it.
I’m a new dad and I’m certainly no expert, but this is what works for me (I put together a little video of these tips, you can watch that here):
- Move fast – If you know your child well, you’ll know when it’s a little niggle or something you should be more careful of. In Alice’s case, she often gets the sniffles and a cough when she gets a cold – but this time she went from snotty nose to losing her voice in two days. That progression meant it was out of the ordinary and we took her to the doc as soon as we could. I’m not advocating rushing to the doctor all the time (because new parents can be prone to overreacting) but it’s important that you move fast if you feel the need to.
- Have a game plan – It’s easy to let emotions dominate when your kid is sick because, well, it sucks. Big time. So you need to have a plan ahead of time so that you are as un-overwhelmed as possible. Who’s administering the meds? Will the parents look after her in shifts, or will you double-team it? Do you need to call in reinforcements from granny and aunty (which is exactly what we did – and I’ll write about how important this support system is and how grateful I am for it another time)? At what point are you going to decide the kid isn’t getting better and another trip to the doc is needed? Are you going to change up the routine, or try stick to it as closely as you can? These are all things you need to decide in advance. Having a game plan will help a lot.
- Plan B – Yeah, yeah, I know I just said you should have a plan. I know. But you also need to be adaptable. Because Alice’s throat was sore she didn’t want to eat solids. Makes sense. It hurts. So we adapted and gave her yoghurt (the cold also helped), Squish and supplemented her decreased food intake with more formula bottles. We adapted. Her routine was a little out, so we allowed the routine to change. We adapted. Alice also seems to want me more when she’s sick and fussy, so I took responsibility for giving her that attention. It’s important that you’re able to adapt and have a Plan B when the kid is sick – because Lord knows they will be reacting to the illness, and you need to adapt to that.
Yesterday she just wanted cuddles from daddy and to be held, and I gave her just want she wanted. - Downtime – A sick kid is a needy kid. Fact. And it’s draining on mom, dad, and mom and dad. It’s physically draining, it’s emotionally draining and it can be mood draining too. So you will need a timeout and some downtime. What I find works is that when the kid is sleeping, I sleep (or at the very least, I relax and chill out). When Alice is with Megan, then I try to stay away and unwind (this is harder for me than I care to admit, because I find it extremely difficult to stay away). And, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m not afraid to call in the reinforcements. Alice’s grannies and aunt are wonderful, and are always willing to help out, and I’m not afraid to call on them. It’s impossible to give your child what they need if you are at the end of your tether; you can only push through for so long. So make sure you get that downtime…however you choose to get it.
- Medicine – Don’t be afraid of medicine. You don’t want to overdo it, sure, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give your kid some medicine if it’s going to help them. After Alice’s crying and throat-clutching I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I gave her a suppository. She didn’t like it, naturally, but within about 10 minutes I noticed her mood was changing. She was willing and able to drink some water and her formula bottle, she started talking again (even though she was still very squeaky), and she was even running around and playing in the lounge. She was a completely different child. I took the decision to give her the meds because I knew it would help – and I don’t regret it one bit. I find that giving medicine really can make the difference between you floundering and surviving when your kid is sick. And while I’m talking about medicines… VACCINATE YOUR CHILDREN, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! There’s currently an outbreak of diphtheria in KwaZulu-Natal, where I live. Speaking to our doc yesterday and she said this is a fatal disease that should not exist because the vaccine is available and forms part of the routine free vaccinations, at least in South Africa. So, please, just vaccinate your children. It makes sense – and it will protect them from most of the really dangerous diseases, which will put your mind at ease when your kid falls sick because it eliminates a lot of the really worrying things.
That’s it. My five tips of surviving your kid’s illness. If you have any hints or tips that work for you, please let me know below and I’ll share them in a future post.
Yours in daddyhood, Matt
The Good, The Bad and The Daddy 